the blowing wind

Feb 14

I’m going to redraw and think abt everything as things are getting unfair and I guess I’m tired, I’m wear out that my body is giving way. I’m not anymore cheerful or happy I just become this numb person with no other emotion on the surface.

I guess this will take a long time for me to rebounce back

Nov 20

I wonder when will it be a time when I close my eyes I never wake up from
It ever again.

Today my brother wanted something and pushed everything to me to decide and after telling him what I know he went saying asking a technician to come we have to pay. But the whole fucking thing is how would the fuck a fucking salesman know on the part which whether the technician could find it up or not?

I had it with this fucking fibre optics, I had it with me staying at home cleaning up the mess. And wait for these ppl to come and can’t walked away as I fear my things would be missing.

Stay at home is fine but what if something happen and by the time
They are suppose to complete they didnt manage to finish and I have to delay and eat into my lessons if there is any that day ?

I fucking hate it and I’m going to look for a part time job. For sure, as this Is getting out of hand blaming that I’m at home, I’m free and why can’t I just do it.

I’m sick and tired that I want to die now.

I wanted to leave my house so that I can breakaway from this madness and be alone for all these fucking shitty thing

Nov 6

I sort of regretted but as I agree and promised someone that I won’t blame myself or put the blame on myself and take the rep for everything.

I somehow feel that, you didn’t talk to me today must be due to the fact that I talk to you about things last night. And for today the entite day I didnt get any text reply, which made me wonder what happen? And causes me to be worried.

I was told not to think too much into things and started with wild guesses but today my entire day was a empty one as the person who was suppose to be the light to light up my life the suddenly went out that got me lost not knowing what to do?

I wished I didn’t tell you that but on the other part of me I had to be honest to let you know what is going through my mind in order to make things works.

I guess I had done what I should not have done Which is to think today you were MIA were due to my fault. I hope it’s not that and I know something might have happen such as personal stuff back home but I am lost now and I am so distracted not knowing thibgs such as Have you eaten? And what happen? Are you okay? Things like this keep filling my mind that I don’t have the mood to do anything

Maybe I shall just not think so much and do what I can now to distract myself from not being able to contact you.

I guess I texted and called like a couple of time at a spaced out interval is not too much but somehow I feel uneasy that you are uncontactable.

ok I shall do what i need to do for my father now.

If you read this text me at least ok, let me know you are alright.

Sep 25

The dark room was removed, yea it was but now the person went to another room.
which I’m sure is a place which is gonna be locked up soon as despair and lost is one of those thing that is making the person definitely upset.
The pain Is really unbearable, I’m so at lost I don’t know what to do, as this is a start of the battle and I feel like giving up.

I’m sure having my ink rip out one day for sure it’s gonna be the only time it get rip.And the feeling of emotionless will set in for the first and the last time….

Please don’t feel bad anymore, I will be fine and the question is what if I can’t fight anymore

Sep 4

And counting and counting

It’s been almost 2 weeks and soon it’s going to be a month. I realized that day by day it became clearer and clearer to me.

Things was not as complicated as it seems, all we all need is to communicate well and properly.

I agree with a friend communication is really important, just now I need to find a way to balance things out properly as now I have a new set of priority :) let’s take it slow pris as its still very fresh and new to you, what u are getting use to it now. But thanks goodness u met someone who is very easy going and understanding with you.

Aug 24

I really want to do something but I so holding back as I won’t know what the other will feel. I’m like such a dork lol…

I guess im becoming more and more like a human now, thanks to a special someone who made me realized that I do indeed have a heart which was being robbed off me without even me knowing. Plus my eyes were taken away from me too, and now my mind is missing to as evertime when I look at you , the world around me just turn blank and my brain is empty.

Haha… U are seriously driving me nuts in a goof way that I guess I’m drunk and high on you.

Aug 18

The gazing of the moon with the gentle breeze made lt seems like a place out of the movies. However the constant breeze of the wind on the bridge made me calm even with a throbbing headache as the gentle moon , shone brightly at night to show off to the world it’s fullest love in the night.

That night outing I will Never forget

Aug 17


Something in me changed, I suddenly realized that I have this over flowing “things” which i had always have it under control now it’s like all hell break loose. I was told to take it easy everything is going to be fine, I know that but how can I assure myself that it will be fine?

How can I know, what I’m going to do is what I really want. Yes following my heart is something Important that it swells up my heart and making me be like another person.

Previous the undercurrent was so strong that it was gonna break the surface but now it seems that the undercurrent had produce waves that it can’t be controlled any longer.

I think I’m going mad, lol… May the force be with me.

If this doesn’t make sense to u it’s ok because it’s for me to know and not for u to Find out in the first place

Aug 15

The pain on my chest isnt going away, it freaking hurts to the core. With that aside I’m thinking oh no I’m losing my bet faster than I expected but well once it has been said then I have no choice but give in to the condition of the bet but I hope my friend dont burnt my pocket deep as I’m already in a bad shape after my trip.

Maybe I should rest early tonight and sleep well, or I might get killed without me knowing lol

Aug 12

Argh I’m gonna rest now and get my body ready for the intoxication later with Chelsia lol.. U ready girl? To party hard lol

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